"I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do
You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette"
A lot of lyrics there but take it. Let it sink in. Exhale.
This is exactly how I've been feeling lately. I'm physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted - and I can't put my finger on why exactly. There's certainly issues; equations I can't solve and questions that are often left unanswered. But I'm also positive that I don't really care and this, in turn, confuses me. Shouldn't I care? I'm supposed to be an adult now. I can't just be dilly-dallying around, or as Sherlock would say, ""Oh hell, what does it matter?! So we go round the sun - if we went round the moon or... round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it wouldn't make any difference." Quite so, Sherlock quite so.
Did you know how hard it is to type and eat an ice cream drumstick? I keep getting distracted mostly because now I want to finish the deliciousness before finishing this entry. No hard feelings?
In any case, things have happened - many things. I should be happy. New job, new prospects, new apartment, etc. etc. However, I'm mostly focused on any of the below things:
1. Sherlock. The 2010 BBC version, not Basil Rathbone or Jeremy Brett. Psh, Benedict Cumberbatch is definitely the shit. Which is also the subject of not only my fantasies but my computer's background. Slightly embarrassing but as Bestie can testify, I literally have stages. Which brings me to...
2. Mad Men. See, not only do I have actor obsession stages but I also have spouts of TV stages. Whatever, it's quite interesting. And addicting.
3. And...reading Sherlock Holmes?
There's not much on above list. I wish I cared more about class. Cared more about the show I host and produce for the radio station on campus (check it out at kntu.com or FM 88.1 KNTU if you're around Texas. Saturday nights 7-9) and you know, work. The new job doesn't entail much but I for sure can't look like an idiot or slack off by watching Criminal Minds. No, no. It's much different.
I don't know what it is besides blaming everything on exhaustion. Which just makes me sound sort of pathetic. Everytiime someone asks me how my summer's been, I always answer, "Crappy." Who wants to hear that? No one. Not that they're really listening, right?
I'm grateful for everything I have...I just need a pick-me-up or maybe a catnap. For now, cracked.com helps.
XOXO
Jacks
