I figured out what it is - I feel like I'm asleep, like I've been asleep. That's why I feel as though I've been living my life so passively. It's like I'm in a constant dreamworld where I don't feel wholly there. At any moment, I could wake up and all the set pieces built up around me will be exchanged with my sheets.
I went camping this weekend and more than a few times, I felt a sense of deja'vu. I often have dreams that become reality or at least, I feel like it had been a dream I had. I even remember after waking that I didn't know the people I was with in my dream or didn't recognize the atmosphere. And then, it would really happen in real life and everything came together like a puzzle.
Anyway, this really doesn't help with the whole feeling asleep thing. I'm sure as soon as school's over I'll really have to wake up. But, at the same time, that makes me sound like such a child. I hate waiting for people to solve my problems or help me. I'm done with waiting for things to fix themselves and not taking risks and always saying "no".
I'm ready to wake up.
