I figured out what it is - I feel like I'm asleep, like I've been asleep. That's why I feel as though I've been living my life so passively. It's like I'm in a constant dreamworld where I don't feel wholly there. At any moment, I could wake up and all the set pieces built up around me will be exchanged with my sheets.
I went camping this weekend and more than a few times, I felt a sense of deja'vu. I often have dreams that become reality or at least, I feel like it had been a dream I had. I even remember after waking that I didn't know the people I was with in my dream or didn't recognize the atmosphere. And then, it would really happen in real life and everything came together like a puzzle.
Anyway, this really doesn't help with the whole feeling asleep thing. I'm sure as soon as school's over I'll really have to wake up. But, at the same time, that makes me sound like such a child. I hate waiting for people to solve my problems or help me. I'm done with waiting for things to fix themselves and not taking risks and always saying "no".
I'm ready to wake up.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Sunday, August 5, 2012
25 Affirmations to Improve Self-Esteem
25 Affirmations to Improve Self Esteem
1. I deeply appreciate and accept myself.
2. I forgive myself for all imperfect acts and thoughts, past, present and future.
3. I love myself unconditionally.
4. I love all aspects of my mind.
5. I love all parts of my body.
6. I accept my imperfections as opportunities to learn valuable lessons in my life.
7. I do my best and my best is good enough.
8. I deserve to be happy.
9. I deserve the very best life has to offer.
10. I deserve to love myself.
11. I deserve to be loved by others.
12. I deserve to love others.
13. I am my own best friend.
14. I am compassionate and curious when others criticize me.
15. I am confident and self-assured.
16. I celebrate my uniqueness.
17. I am the best me I can be in each moment.
18. I trust myself.
19. I enjoy my own company.
20. I take responsibility for my own well-being.
21. I am proud of who I am.
22. I am a winner.
23. I am proud of my results and comfortable with my successes and my failures.
24. I am fun and I have fun.
25. I am a good person.
2. I forgive myself for all imperfect acts and thoughts, past, present and future.
3. I love myself unconditionally.
4. I love all aspects of my mind.
5. I love all parts of my body.
6. I accept my imperfections as opportunities to learn valuable lessons in my life.
7. I do my best and my best is good enough.
8. I deserve to be happy.
9. I deserve the very best life has to offer.
10. I deserve to love myself.
11. I deserve to be loved by others.
12. I deserve to love others.
13. I am my own best friend.
14. I am compassionate and curious when others criticize me.
15. I am confident and self-assured.
16. I celebrate my uniqueness.
17. I am the best me I can be in each moment.
18. I trust myself.
19. I enjoy my own company.
20. I take responsibility for my own well-being.
21. I am proud of who I am.
22. I am a winner.
23. I am proud of my results and comfortable with my successes and my failures.
24. I am fun and I have fun.
25. I am a good person.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
A Love That Would Look & Sound Like a Movie
1. What was the last movie you watched in theaters?
The Avengers. For the fourth time.
2. What was the first movie you ever remember watching in theaters?
Tarzan.
3. Top 5 movies
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless MindIn this order:
2. Inception
3. The Fountain
4. Brick/The Fall
5. Rebel Without a Cause
4. Top 5 directors
Darren Aronofsky, David Fincher, Christopher Nolan, Elia Kazan, Alfred Hitchcock
5. A favorite adapted movie
Fight Club.
6. Your best experience on going to the movies
I love going to midnight premieres. Or the special premieres I used to go to all the time in high school. Two of my favorites were Another Earth and Inception. I also really liked going to see Across the Universe with Tracy. And then, of course, comic book and the Harry Potter films.
7. A guilty pleasure
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Quest for Camelot
8. An overrated movie
The Social Network
9. An underrated movie
The Fountain
10. A movie that not many have heard that you’ve seen
This is going to sound extremely stuck up but I've seen far too many movies that no one has ever heard of and its sad because its usually because I love an actor in it or maybe, maybe it was an early film of a favorite director/screenwriter.
11. A movie you watched mainly for an actor
See above. I've mostly done this for Johnny Depp, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hiddleston, Kyle Gallner, James Franco, etc.
12. Top 5 actors
James Dean, Johnny Depp, Benedict Cumberbatch, James Franco, Leonardo DiCaprio
13. Top 5 actresses
Audrey Hepburn, Kate Winslet, Rachel Weisz, Keira Knightley, Katherine Hepburn/Lauren Bacall
14. VHS, DVD or Blu-Ray?
DVD
15. Favorite Disney movie (not PIXAR!)
Treasure Planet
16. A tearjerker
Titanic
17. A movie that you know it’s bad but you can’t help but love it
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (shh, I loved it)
18. Favorite Movie Soundtrack
The Fountain, Tron: Legacy, and Pride and Prejudice are all tied
19. Favorite quote from a movie
"You're tearing me apart!" from Rebel Without a Cause but I have a LOT
20. A movie that was better than the book
Breakfast at Tiffany's, actually
21. First adult film you watched (thematically speaking not R-rated)
Passion of the Christ, maybe?
22. A kids movie you always watch
Anything Disney like Beauty and the Beast or Treasure Planet but there's always Quest for Camelot and any Miyazaki film.
23. Favorite Science Fiction movie
Blade Runner, Minority Report, or Tron: Legacy
24. Favorite Comedy
Bridesmaids, The Hangover, or Tropic Thunder
25. Favorite Fantasy
Lord of the Rings trilogy
26. Favorite Love Story
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or The Fountain
27. A movie you hate
Joe Dirt, Knocked Up (unpopular opinion, I know), The Break-Up, You Don't Mess with the Zohan, Love Guru
28. Favorite animated movie
Treasure Planet, Quest for Camelot, or Spirited Away
29. A movie from your favorite director you didn’t like
Vertigo. Now, I will re-watch it but seriously, the first time I saw it, I hated it.
30. Favorite comic book movie
The Avengers
31. 3 movies you’re expecting excitedly!
Dark Knight Rises, Brave, Looper
32. A book you read for a movie
Fight Club, Twilight (hahaha), the Millennium series
33. Favorite Musical
Singin' in the Rain
34. Favorite fictional character
Lisbeth Salander, Irene Adler, Spiderman, and the Doctor
35. A movie you wished they never made
The person I stole this from put Ghost Rider 2 so I'm going to agree on that as well as Justin and Kelly and anything with Kate Hudson.
36. Favorite remake!
The Thing
The Thing
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Death is the Road to Awe
When I am sad my first instinct is to write about it. Usually, I write everything I would like to say to someone or to myself or try and say what I am feeling at that very moment, all composed safely in my head and I don't let it escape. I'm afraid to let it escape because I'm not sure what damage it will cause. Tonight is no different. I sit on my bed, on my computer once again, listening to The Fountain soundtrack after consuming three Smithwick's and watching The Deep Blue Sea.
It was my own fault. I shouldn't have drank. I shouldn't have watched a film that I knew was going to be depressing considering it is based on a Terence Rattigan play. And I really shouldn't be listening to The Fountain soundtrack. But, as I once told Bestie, every song on that album is what my heart is playing and tonight, I realized how that statement was true.
I am heartbroken. I feel betrayed. Lost. Melancholic. Regretful. Guilty. And I've been feeling this way a long time but I never realized it.
How can someone not realize it? Well, when you are let down again and again and again, you begin to wonder if maybe it was really all your fault. You've been guilted before, maybe that's why you feel so sad now because you really are the cause of it all. Everyone leaves you for a reason, you know. Why are you surprised? Ignore those feelings. Every one of them. They will lead you no where except a place where you will hurt every one around you. You know how you're afraid of being completely and absolutely alone for the rest of you life? Well, that is exactly what's going to happen if you allow yourself to feel those things.
When I think about it, I can't blame anyone. I push you all away. I pretend like nothing can phase me. That I can work through anything, create some optimistic world where love is all that is needed. But in the farthest depths of my soul, I know that that won't ever happen. I only hope and pray because I have nothing left.
That's a little overdramatic and I take it back. I have my best friend and she is the most amazing person I have ever met and will ever meet as long as I live. I love her and appreciate her very deeply and I never am good at showing such love. Or so I think. She's probably glaring at me for saying such things. I know she loves me.
I'm going to be honest with you, its so very hard to type this.
My family betrayed me. They let me down. And not just once but many times over and over. I no longer have their support. I no longer have their respect. I have nothing from them when all I do is give, give, give.
How? You're probably wondering. How can you keep giving to a group of people who are nothing but hate and sadness and selfishness?
I don't know! I don't know. Exactly because they are my family. I didn't choose them. From a very early age, I gathered that family was everything. No, no, seriously - every-fucking-thing.
They would be there for you no matter what. They would support you no matter what. They were your best friends and your worst enemies because they loved you and wanted to give you the world but couldn't and that that was okay because at least they tried.
Well they didn't fucking try. They haven't done a damn thing for themselves or for me. They buy me things. They buy me useless Hello Kitty memorobilla, jewelry, clothes, electronics, whatever the fuck I don't actually want they give it to me.
Why don't they understand that all I want is for them to be happy, dammit? Why can't they see that? And why can't they just fucking try for fucking once my fucking God. I hate them. And I hate saying those words so much but I hate them. I can't tell you how many times I've wished that they would just die so they might actually be happy and stop putting me through this hell.
It sucks even more because of my 'training' I've been brought up to think that I'm just like them. That getting my dad to buy me a thumb drive and headphones was selfish and greedy. That making my brother cart me around town was greedy. That making my mother feel terrible for not giving me rent money again was mean and cruel.
My mind is empty right now. All of what I'm saying is pure instinct and I can't breathe because my nose is entirely blocked from snot. I can hardly see this screen and my fingers because of all the tears falling onto my mousepad and making it difficult for me to scroll. I literally cannot breathe because my heart hurts so badly.
Who am I? Is all I am just trained words?
Do you know that actually, right now, I'm thinking that this is so fucking selfish. That someone out there has it so much worse. That my pain is nothing. That I'm nothing.
Well someone who loves me very much told me that I am something. That I'm important. And that's why, tonight I type these words because no matter how many people are out there in pain and in sadness, with broken hearts and tears left unshed, you still matter. You still have your problems and your issues and you know what? Someone is out there who would love to hear about them and help you feel better.
God, all I wanted to do was be good. To inspire someone maybe. To be one of your children. I might just be. But, I've got to say - this pain is unbearable. And I am so very, very angry. I can't say that it is your fault or beg you why you did this. Because you didn't. And neither did I. Something good will come from it.
Just hold me. Hold me and whisper your love because that's all I can bear.
I know I shouldn't apologize for my feelings but I am sorry you had to read such dreadful things.
I will be much happier in years to come.
XOXO
Jacks
It was my own fault. I shouldn't have drank. I shouldn't have watched a film that I knew was going to be depressing considering it is based on a Terence Rattigan play. And I really shouldn't be listening to The Fountain soundtrack. But, as I once told Bestie, every song on that album is what my heart is playing and tonight, I realized how that statement was true.
I am heartbroken. I feel betrayed. Lost. Melancholic. Regretful. Guilty. And I've been feeling this way a long time but I never realized it.
How can someone not realize it? Well, when you are let down again and again and again, you begin to wonder if maybe it was really all your fault. You've been guilted before, maybe that's why you feel so sad now because you really are the cause of it all. Everyone leaves you for a reason, you know. Why are you surprised? Ignore those feelings. Every one of them. They will lead you no where except a place where you will hurt every one around you. You know how you're afraid of being completely and absolutely alone for the rest of you life? Well, that is exactly what's going to happen if you allow yourself to feel those things.
When I think about it, I can't blame anyone. I push you all away. I pretend like nothing can phase me. That I can work through anything, create some optimistic world where love is all that is needed. But in the farthest depths of my soul, I know that that won't ever happen. I only hope and pray because I have nothing left.
That's a little overdramatic and I take it back. I have my best friend and she is the most amazing person I have ever met and will ever meet as long as I live. I love her and appreciate her very deeply and I never am good at showing such love. Or so I think. She's probably glaring at me for saying such things. I know she loves me.
I'm going to be honest with you, its so very hard to type this.
My family betrayed me. They let me down. And not just once but many times over and over. I no longer have their support. I no longer have their respect. I have nothing from them when all I do is give, give, give.
How? You're probably wondering. How can you keep giving to a group of people who are nothing but hate and sadness and selfishness?
I don't know! I don't know. Exactly because they are my family. I didn't choose them. From a very early age, I gathered that family was everything. No, no, seriously - every-fucking-thing.
They would be there for you no matter what. They would support you no matter what. They were your best friends and your worst enemies because they loved you and wanted to give you the world but couldn't and that that was okay because at least they tried.
Well they didn't fucking try. They haven't done a damn thing for themselves or for me. They buy me things. They buy me useless Hello Kitty memorobilla, jewelry, clothes, electronics, whatever the fuck I don't actually want they give it to me.
Why don't they understand that all I want is for them to be happy, dammit? Why can't they see that? And why can't they just fucking try for fucking once my fucking God. I hate them. And I hate saying those words so much but I hate them. I can't tell you how many times I've wished that they would just die so they might actually be happy and stop putting me through this hell.
It sucks even more because of my 'training' I've been brought up to think that I'm just like them. That getting my dad to buy me a thumb drive and headphones was selfish and greedy. That making my brother cart me around town was greedy. That making my mother feel terrible for not giving me rent money again was mean and cruel.
My mind is empty right now. All of what I'm saying is pure instinct and I can't breathe because my nose is entirely blocked from snot. I can hardly see this screen and my fingers because of all the tears falling onto my mousepad and making it difficult for me to scroll. I literally cannot breathe because my heart hurts so badly.
Who am I? Is all I am just trained words?
Do you know that actually, right now, I'm thinking that this is so fucking selfish. That someone out there has it so much worse. That my pain is nothing. That I'm nothing.
Well someone who loves me very much told me that I am something. That I'm important. And that's why, tonight I type these words because no matter how many people are out there in pain and in sadness, with broken hearts and tears left unshed, you still matter. You still have your problems and your issues and you know what? Someone is out there who would love to hear about them and help you feel better.
God, all I wanted to do was be good. To inspire someone maybe. To be one of your children. I might just be. But, I've got to say - this pain is unbearable. And I am so very, very angry. I can't say that it is your fault or beg you why you did this. Because you didn't. And neither did I. Something good will come from it.
Just hold me. Hold me and whisper your love because that's all I can bear.
I know I shouldn't apologize for my feelings but I am sorry you had to read such dreadful things.
I will be much happier in years to come.
XOXO
Jacks
Thursday, April 26, 2012
I'm a Copycat
But hey, at least it is a different quiz than Celtic Wings'! I hope you enjoy. I know I did - if you know what I mean.
1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
1. "Hot Tips" - The D'Urbervilles (man, I haven't listened to this song in a while. I love the beginning of it. Grabs your attention from the get-go)
2. "Barely Someone Known" - The Orbans (ha, a local band. Groovy song, no lie)
3. "Heartless" - Kanye West (don't judge me, it's a good song and a great video)
4. "Stupid" - Seastroke (another local group. Love the pop sound; very catchy)
5. "Locomotion" - John Coltrane
6. "Josephine" - The Wallflowers
I am officially the craziest music lover.
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Benedict Cumberbatch, Matthew Bellamy, Kate Winslet, Christopher Nolan, Darren Aronofsky, David Fincher, Charles Kaufman, Harrison Ford, Stephen Fry, Rupert Thomson, Phillip Glass, Yann Tiersen, lots and lots of people!
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
"The backbone of Swedish industry and all that." -The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
4) What do you think about most?
The future which is just awful but I daydream a lot. The rest of the time, it's whatever book/screenplay idea I'm working on or figuring out what I need to be doing.
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
"So hows the picture coming along? Were u able 2 secure ur actors or should I wear a dress and play flo, cause I'm up 4 that if u want, beard and all :-P" -Joseph
6) What's your strangest talent?
Finding almost anything about anyone.
7) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Yes.
8) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Earlier tonight...to Celine Dion.
9) Do you have any strange phobias?
I don't know which of these are strange (and which aren't phobias but just little things that mean I'm anal): I'm afraid of really bad thunderstorms because I'm also afraid of tornados. I'm afraid of past due stuff be it food, make-up or anything else that could possibly expire. I'm anal about which towel someone's using and having a towel available in the bathroom and kitchen at all times. You know, I think I'm kind of afraid of people.
10) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Probably.
11) What's your religion?
Christianity
12) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Reading, writing, walking, running, swimming, playing soccer or drinking.
13) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
I love both. They're equally nerve-wrecking.
14) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
Of all time? The Beatles, of course. Number one favorite band, Muse.
15) What was the last lie you told?
"I didn't kill him, officer." Lolz.
16) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
My greatest strength is probably being extremely patient with people. My weakness is not doing anything about it when I've lost my patience in them.
17) Who is your celebrity crush?
At the moment? Benedict Cumberbatch.
18) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Yep.
19) How do you vent your anger?
I usually don't. But when I do, I enjoy working out, writing and exhaustively pacing.
20) Do you have a collection of anything?
Movie ticket stubs! Oh and sugar packets from around the country from various restaurants.
21) Are you happy with the person you've become?
I can't say just yet. I'm like a cake in the oven - I'm not done yet. Since childhood though, I didn't expect I'd turn out like this but I'm proud of myself.
22) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
I hate the sound of diapers when kids waddle around in them. And pads for that matter. Anything gloopy hitting something solid. Whining. Mouth-breathers. Toilets flushing. I love the sound of cars - every sound made by a car. I love the sound of record players when you have to flip over to the "B" side. I love the sound of 8mm film running through the camera. I love the sound of any laughter. I love the sound of pen scratches.
23) What's your biggest "what if"?
What if I had admitted how I actually felt?
24) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Yes and yes.
25) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
Right - my favorite teddy bear, Brown Sugar. Left - Rudy's cup of water and my purse simultaneously.
26) Smell the air. What do you smell?
The Scentsy pack in my Scentsy buddy which is a stuffed monkey. The scent is called Skinny Dippin'.
27) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
Most of them are other people's houses: this chick I knew in high school's house, my sister-in-law's apartment when she lived in Garland. My brother's apartment when he lived in Richardson.
28) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
I haven't actually been to the west coast so I can't say for sure. Haven't really been to the east coast either unless you count North Carolina or Washington D.C.
29) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
In my opinion, Sondre Lerche. Mmm.
30) What's the weather like right now?
A clear night at 74 degrees.
31) What time is it?
1:02 AM
32) Do you drive? No.
If so, have you ever crashed?
But, I've been in a car accident.
33) What was the last book you read?
The last one I read and finished was The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. I'm working on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and this steamy romance novel with a blind guy.
34) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
Yes.
35) Do you have any nicknames?
I have far too many: Shell-ay, Shulley, ShellBell, Shell, Squeaker, Cindershelley, Rapist Bojangles, Creeper, Shellery...the list continues on and on.
36) What was the last movie you saw?
In class - The Celebration;. At home, Midnight in Paris with the Bestie and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen later. In the theater, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, I think.
37) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
I ran into a chair (no, seriously) when I was 3 or 4 and had to get stitches in my forehead.
38) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Yep just the other day. It was beautiful.
39) Do you have any obsessions right now?
I always have obsessions. In fact, if there is anything constant about me its that.
40) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
Oh, of course. In elementary school, the rumor was that I was a player-whore. In junior high, the rumor was that I was a lesbian.
41) Do you believe in magic?
In a young girl's heart? Just kidding - yes, I do.
42) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
I used to tell people that I didn't because I honestly believed I didn't. But, now I've come to realize I have a bunch and they're all from stupid stuff in the past. But they all hurt me, shape me into the person I am today, blah blah. For example, my best friend in 5th grade was this girl Eliana. This guy that liked me, Xavier, was chasing me around at recess over by some mud (it had rained earlier that day) and as he got the upperhand, I slipped in the mud and my whole butt got covered. I went to Eliana to ask for her jacket to cover it up because I didn't have one and she said no. She didn't want to get it dirty. I still hate her for that.
43) What is your astrological sign?
Pisces and boy is it accurate.
44) Do you save money or spend it?
I try extremely hard to save it and I used to be successful. Not so much anymore.
45) What's the last thing you purchased?
Food-wise: Taco Bueno. Material-wise: a pair of boots for Bestie.
46) In a relationship?
Not at the moment. I don't really want to be in one either.
47) How many relationships have you had?
If you count relationships since I was 4, 12. If you're counting since junior high, 7. Since high school, 3. Yep, I had more action when I was much younger.
48) Where were you yesterday?
Well, I started this yesterday so the day before that I went to class then to the radio station then home. Yesterday, work, class, radio station, home, Taco Bueno, home again.
49) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
I'm at the office now and I have pink post-its!
50) Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope.
51) What's your favorite animal?
Horses, dogs, and wolves. But everyone always says that.
52) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
Unnecessarily complimenting them, lots of sarcastic comments, silly jokes, exaggerated sexual advances, finding something they like a lot and letting them talk extensively about it.
53) Where is your best friend?
In class. Oh man, this would've been so much better last night. It would've been, in bed. In the room next to me. Muhahaha!
54) What is your heritage?
Spanish, German, Scots-Irish, Welsh, Native American.
55) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
Talking to my best friend...while she was in bed ASLEEP. Haha, no, she was awake.
56) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
Well, I've masturbated but not while looking at myself.
57) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
Yes and no. No one's perfect.
58) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.
a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? I would tell those closest to me but not everyone. Well, maybe I would just because it'd be awkward explaining if they found out later.
b) What do you do with your remaining days? Travel, do daredevil type stuff like bungee jumping, jumping off a waterfall, that sort of thing. The very last day I would watch my favorite films with my favorite people, eating my favorite meal and if I'm with someone, probably have sex with them a lot and hold everyone very, very close at all times. I'd never sleep. At night, I'd write and feel alive.
c) Would you be afraid? It would be a waste of time to be afraid. But, the very last few minutes, I'm sure I would be.
59) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Basically, any Beatles, Muse, Temptations, Led Zeppelin, Animals, or Disney song.
60) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
Hell nah, I'm not posting that on the internet.
61) How can I win your heart?
By sporadically displaying pictures and videos of Benedict Cumberbatch. Oh! You mean if you were a human instead of a computer. Well, you'd have to be caring, have opinions, not afraid to stand up for what you believe in, not egotistical or self-involved, have a great sense of humor and (somewhat) understand mine, creative and continually trying to get me to do new and exciting things. I love adventure. Oh and it is a major plus if you're into the same music and movies but not like just those. I like watching/listening to new stuff. Just be sure you'll respect my opinions and I'll respect yours. See, not asking for too much.
62) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
Definitely.
63) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
Going to UNT. Doing whatever I can to not have to be under my parents' thumb anymore.
64) What size shoes do you where?
6
65) What is your favorite word?
Cornucopia.
66) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
An anatomical picture of a heart and the lyrics to "If I Had a Heart" by Fever Ray. And the Wizard of Oz of course. All of those things just jumbled up.
67) What is a saying you say a lot?
"Thug life", "I wasn't going to say anything but...", "Poop in a basket", "Fuck it"
68) What's the last song you listened to?
"Cracks (Flux Pavillion Remix)" - Freestylers
69) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
Yellow, purple, and ocean-y blues.
70) What is your current desktop picture?
On my laptop, its an outdoor photo of a forest in the nighttime fog. At work, the United States slideshow.
71) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
I couldn't choose. It's between Rick Santorum, David Letterman, or Kate Hudson.
72) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
Either, how do you feel about _____? Or, everybody has a secret, what's yours?
73) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
The ability to fly and making things materialize out of no where. Oh, you cut yourself? Poof! Here's a bandaid.
74) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
Any part of my 16th birthday party. Certain moments with certain people that I'll never forget but are far too detailed, it'd be a drag to read.
75) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
If you can reverse death in that context - Tracy. If not, 5th and 6th grade.
76) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
SONDRE LERCHE. Possibly Matthew Bellamy but he looks kinda dirty. Plus, he's had sex with Kate Hudson. Gross.
77) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
London, England.
78) Do you have any relatives in jail?
Yes.
79) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
Sort of. I threw up outside of the car while I was sitting in it.
80) Ever been on a plane?
Yes, but I was a baby and I don't remember it. Luckily, I'm taking a plane to Washington D.C. with Bestie and her mom! So excited :D
81) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
Stop thinking about yourself and think about someone else for once.
82) Give me your top 7 favorite blogs on Tumblr.
thelittlequeen33.tumblr.com
aw8tingannabell.tumblr.com
sisterspock.tumblr.com
hooke-r.tumblr.com
glossfixation.tumblr.com
black-tangled-heart.tumblr.com
surrogate-self.tumblr.com
So there you have it. A stalker's favorite kind of present.
XOXO
Jacks
1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
1. "Hot Tips" - The D'Urbervilles (man, I haven't listened to this song in a while. I love the beginning of it. Grabs your attention from the get-go)
2. "Barely Someone Known" - The Orbans (ha, a local band. Groovy song, no lie)
3. "Heartless" - Kanye West (don't judge me, it's a good song and a great video)
4. "Stupid" - Seastroke (another local group. Love the pop sound; very catchy)
5. "Locomotion" - John Coltrane
6. "Josephine" - The Wallflowers
I am officially the craziest music lover.
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Benedict Cumberbatch, Matthew Bellamy, Kate Winslet, Christopher Nolan, Darren Aronofsky, David Fincher, Charles Kaufman, Harrison Ford, Stephen Fry, Rupert Thomson, Phillip Glass, Yann Tiersen, lots and lots of people!
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
"The backbone of Swedish industry and all that." -The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
4) What do you think about most?
The future which is just awful but I daydream a lot. The rest of the time, it's whatever book/screenplay idea I'm working on or figuring out what I need to be doing.
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
"So hows the picture coming along? Were u able 2 secure ur actors or should I wear a dress and play flo, cause I'm up 4 that if u want, beard and all :-P" -Joseph
6) What's your strangest talent?
Finding almost anything about anyone.
7) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Yes.
8) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Earlier tonight...to Celine Dion.
9) Do you have any strange phobias?
I don't know which of these are strange (and which aren't phobias but just little things that mean I'm anal): I'm afraid of really bad thunderstorms because I'm also afraid of tornados. I'm afraid of past due stuff be it food, make-up or anything else that could possibly expire. I'm anal about which towel someone's using and having a towel available in the bathroom and kitchen at all times. You know, I think I'm kind of afraid of people.
10) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Probably.
11) What's your religion?
Christianity
12) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Reading, writing, walking, running, swimming, playing soccer or drinking.
13) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
I love both. They're equally nerve-wrecking.
14) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
Of all time? The Beatles, of course. Number one favorite band, Muse.
15) What was the last lie you told?
"I didn't kill him, officer." Lolz.
16) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
My greatest strength is probably being extremely patient with people. My weakness is not doing anything about it when I've lost my patience in them.
17) Who is your celebrity crush?
At the moment? Benedict Cumberbatch.
18) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Yep.
19) How do you vent your anger?
I usually don't. But when I do, I enjoy working out, writing and exhaustively pacing.
20) Do you have a collection of anything?
Movie ticket stubs! Oh and sugar packets from around the country from various restaurants.
21) Are you happy with the person you've become?
I can't say just yet. I'm like a cake in the oven - I'm not done yet. Since childhood though, I didn't expect I'd turn out like this but I'm proud of myself.
22) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
I hate the sound of diapers when kids waddle around in them. And pads for that matter. Anything gloopy hitting something solid. Whining. Mouth-breathers. Toilets flushing. I love the sound of cars - every sound made by a car. I love the sound of record players when you have to flip over to the "B" side. I love the sound of 8mm film running through the camera. I love the sound of any laughter. I love the sound of pen scratches.
23) What's your biggest "what if"?
What if I had admitted how I actually felt?
24) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Yes and yes.
25) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
Right - my favorite teddy bear, Brown Sugar. Left - Rudy's cup of water and my purse simultaneously.
26) Smell the air. What do you smell?
The Scentsy pack in my Scentsy buddy which is a stuffed monkey. The scent is called Skinny Dippin'.
27) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
Most of them are other people's houses: this chick I knew in high school's house, my sister-in-law's apartment when she lived in Garland. My brother's apartment when he lived in Richardson.
28) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
I haven't actually been to the west coast so I can't say for sure. Haven't really been to the east coast either unless you count North Carolina or Washington D.C.
29) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
In my opinion, Sondre Lerche. Mmm.
30) What's the weather like right now?
A clear night at 74 degrees.
31) What time is it?
1:02 AM
32) Do you drive? No.
If so, have you ever crashed?
But, I've been in a car accident.
33) What was the last book you read?
The last one I read and finished was The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. I'm working on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and this steamy romance novel with a blind guy.
34) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
Yes.
35) Do you have any nicknames?
I have far too many: Shell-ay, Shulley, ShellBell, Shell, Squeaker, Cindershelley, Rapist Bojangles, Creeper, Shellery...the list continues on and on.
36) What was the last movie you saw?
In class - The Celebration;. At home, Midnight in Paris with the Bestie and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen later. In the theater, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, I think.
37) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
I ran into a chair (no, seriously) when I was 3 or 4 and had to get stitches in my forehead.
38) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Yep just the other day. It was beautiful.
39) Do you have any obsessions right now?
I always have obsessions. In fact, if there is anything constant about me its that.
40) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
Oh, of course. In elementary school, the rumor was that I was a player-whore. In junior high, the rumor was that I was a lesbian.
41) Do you believe in magic?
In a young girl's heart? Just kidding - yes, I do.
42) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
I used to tell people that I didn't because I honestly believed I didn't. But, now I've come to realize I have a bunch and they're all from stupid stuff in the past. But they all hurt me, shape me into the person I am today, blah blah. For example, my best friend in 5th grade was this girl Eliana. This guy that liked me, Xavier, was chasing me around at recess over by some mud (it had rained earlier that day) and as he got the upperhand, I slipped in the mud and my whole butt got covered. I went to Eliana to ask for her jacket to cover it up because I didn't have one and she said no. She didn't want to get it dirty. I still hate her for that.
43) What is your astrological sign?
Pisces and boy is it accurate.
44) Do you save money or spend it?
I try extremely hard to save it and I used to be successful. Not so much anymore.
45) What's the last thing you purchased?
Food-wise: Taco Bueno. Material-wise: a pair of boots for Bestie.
46) In a relationship?
Not at the moment. I don't really want to be in one either.
47) How many relationships have you had?
If you count relationships since I was 4, 12. If you're counting since junior high, 7. Since high school, 3. Yep, I had more action when I was much younger.
48) Where were you yesterday?
Well, I started this yesterday so the day before that I went to class then to the radio station then home. Yesterday, work, class, radio station, home, Taco Bueno, home again.
49) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
I'm at the office now and I have pink post-its!
50) Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope.
51) What's your favorite animal?
Horses, dogs, and wolves. But everyone always says that.
52) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
Unnecessarily complimenting them, lots of sarcastic comments, silly jokes, exaggerated sexual advances, finding something they like a lot and letting them talk extensively about it.
53) Where is your best friend?
In class. Oh man, this would've been so much better last night. It would've been, in bed. In the room next to me. Muhahaha!
54) What is your heritage?
Spanish, German, Scots-Irish, Welsh, Native American.
55) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
Talking to my best friend...while she was in bed ASLEEP. Haha, no, she was awake.
56) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
Well, I've masturbated but not while looking at myself.
57) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
Yes and no. No one's perfect.
58) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.
a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? I would tell those closest to me but not everyone. Well, maybe I would just because it'd be awkward explaining if they found out later.
b) What do you do with your remaining days? Travel, do daredevil type stuff like bungee jumping, jumping off a waterfall, that sort of thing. The very last day I would watch my favorite films with my favorite people, eating my favorite meal and if I'm with someone, probably have sex with them a lot and hold everyone very, very close at all times. I'd never sleep. At night, I'd write and feel alive.
c) Would you be afraid? It would be a waste of time to be afraid. But, the very last few minutes, I'm sure I would be.
59) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Basically, any Beatles, Muse, Temptations, Led Zeppelin, Animals, or Disney song.
60) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
Hell nah, I'm not posting that on the internet.
61) How can I win your heart?
By sporadically displaying pictures and videos of Benedict Cumberbatch. Oh! You mean if you were a human instead of a computer. Well, you'd have to be caring, have opinions, not afraid to stand up for what you believe in, not egotistical or self-involved, have a great sense of humor and (somewhat) understand mine, creative and continually trying to get me to do new and exciting things. I love adventure. Oh and it is a major plus if you're into the same music and movies but not like just those. I like watching/listening to new stuff. Just be sure you'll respect my opinions and I'll respect yours. See, not asking for too much.
62) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
Definitely.
63) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
Going to UNT. Doing whatever I can to not have to be under my parents' thumb anymore.
64) What size shoes do you where?
6
65) What is your favorite word?
Cornucopia.
66) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
An anatomical picture of a heart and the lyrics to "If I Had a Heart" by Fever Ray. And the Wizard of Oz of course. All of those things just jumbled up.
67) What is a saying you say a lot?
"Thug life", "I wasn't going to say anything but...", "Poop in a basket", "Fuck it"
68) What's the last song you listened to?
"Cracks (Flux Pavillion Remix)" - Freestylers
69) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
Yellow, purple, and ocean-y blues.
70) What is your current desktop picture?
On my laptop, its an outdoor photo of a forest in the nighttime fog. At work, the United States slideshow.
71) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
I couldn't choose. It's between Rick Santorum, David Letterman, or Kate Hudson.
72) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
Either, how do you feel about _____? Or, everybody has a secret, what's yours?
73) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
The ability to fly and making things materialize out of no where. Oh, you cut yourself? Poof! Here's a bandaid.
74) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
Any part of my 16th birthday party. Certain moments with certain people that I'll never forget but are far too detailed, it'd be a drag to read.
75) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
If you can reverse death in that context - Tracy. If not, 5th and 6th grade.
76) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
SONDRE LERCHE. Possibly Matthew Bellamy but he looks kinda dirty. Plus, he's had sex with Kate Hudson. Gross.
77) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
London, England.
78) Do you have any relatives in jail?
Yes.
79) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
Sort of. I threw up outside of the car while I was sitting in it.
80) Ever been on a plane?
Yes, but I was a baby and I don't remember it. Luckily, I'm taking a plane to Washington D.C. with Bestie and her mom! So excited :D
81) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
Stop thinking about yourself and think about someone else for once.
82) Give me your top 7 favorite blogs on Tumblr.
thelittlequeen33.tumblr.com
aw8tingannabell.tumblr.com
sisterspock.tumblr.com
hooke-r.tumblr.com
glossfixation.tumblr.com
black-tangled-heart.tumblr.com
surrogate-self.tumblr.com
So there you have it. A stalker's favorite kind of present.
XOXO
Jacks
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