I have this problem.
It seems as though no matter where I go or when I'm there, I'll always find some attractive male. No matter what.
"This is a bad thing?" you ask, as if I'm speaking blasphemy.
Why, yes, dear readers. It is.
Its a curse, really. Maybe the guy really isn't that cute at all but somehow, I find something. Something to fantasize about, to analyse and wonder about. There's always just "something about him". You know?
And then, as the first emotions swell in my heart, I realize that no matter what, and I mean without fail, I'll never see this guy again, never talk to him, never even find out his name.
There have been many times where I did find out his name, usually in a school or work setting but as of late, I've come to realize one thing, that I've always either discovered that they were:
1) Gay
2) Taken
3) Creepy
4) Dickwad-y
5) Really not my type
6) Above my type. As in, there's no way in heck this guy will even stand to touch me
Now, I'm not saying I'm an unworthy person. I think I'm pretty, funny, sweet, smart...all sorts of things. But sometimes, people were born to be with someone just like them or someone just a tad lamer. No one really gets someone who's better, per se, cuz really, no one's better. Everyone has faults.
What I'm trying to say is that more often than not, I'll be infatuated with some guy. I'll semi-stalk him if its in a school setting. Find out what he likes through Facebook or Myspace. And then, I'll feel my heart constrict whenever I see him. But sooner or later, I'll realize there's no way he'll ever make a move and there's no way in heck I'll make a move and really, its just pointless.
All the guys I've dated, I've dated because they had an interest in me. Didn't matter if I found them attractive or not. It just mattered that they liked me for me or for my body or maybe just for what I had to say, whatever. It didn't matter. It was very unfair to all of them and some of them, I did form a good relationship with.
But it wasn't what it could've been. it wasn't real, honest liking. It was just pretend so that I could feel better.
So for once, for ONCE, I just beg that I can please be in a relationship with someone I'm actually infatuated with. And preferably soon.
XOXO
Jacks
