For the longest time, I thought I was just going to somehow be involved with music. Being trained in theatre, I thought radio would be a great place to start and really, I am a pretty damn good DJ on FM 88.1 KNTU but, then I started thinking today about how hard it is to get a well paid job as a DJ. Plus, i'm the sort of person who really just wants to be famous and rich someday. Well, more famous than rich, anyway. I want to be influential. I want my passion for music to be seen all the way to the moon. I want people to know me as "that-girl-who-really-loves-music-and-is-damn-good-at-finding-the-best".
So what better place to start than being a record producer?
Very funny, right? I mean, sure radio's a hard business (especially since it might just die out soon) but a record producer? Am I crazy? Maybe. But, now its all I can think about. I can change people's minds about how the music business is like. Make people start believing in the music itself rather than the money that comes from it. I want to change the world.
MGMT gets it:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/;kw=[24942,129817]?RS_show_page=0
XOXO
Jacks
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Does Anybody See Me?
Lately, I've been feeling...blah.
My daily routine goes something like this:
Wake up.
Take shower.
Get dressed/fix hair/eat breakfast/whatever.
Go to class.
Take nap in between if possible or do homework.
Eat lunch.
Nap.
Work out or watch movie or other senseless activities like Facebook or comixed.com
Eat dinner.
Serious about homework, now (while also doing senseless things again).
Go to work
OR
Go to sleep.
THE END.
Nothing too exciting. Nothing that I really have to think extra hard about or feel extra hard about. I go through the motions of this daily routine because that's what it is: a routine. Sometimes, something will change. I'll say 'screw it' to working out or to watching a movie and write for once but I don't get too far with that, no no. Sometimes I don't nap either but lately, I feel like that's all I do. I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep til April is over and school is ending.
(but i would really like to sleep til after finals)
I don't even feel like a college kid. I feel like one of those super-dependent kids who can't stay away from home too long without inwardly crying. I don't know what it is. I used to loath going home. Used to put it off and not miss it once.
Nothing has really changed, per se. I mean, me and ex-boyfriend Terry are on good terms now but that's about it. I don't feel close with anyone. Don't feel passionate about anything. Even my boy curse is hardly something to hate or feel anything about. Its like I'm telling the whole world to fuck off, I don't care.
Because no one cares about me.
Okay, I'm sure someone does but honestly, there aren't too many people making an effort to see how I really am. Or to get out from underneath their own lives to have fun and experience things like I want to do. And if they do, they don't invite me to come along.
I guess I'm not really putting myself out there but I kind of feel numb about it anyway. Lazy. Like I don't want to make the effort. Maybe I'm afraid of what could happen. Or maybe, my heart's just too damn empty, I don't know how to fill it back up.
I wish everything could go back to how things were. I mean, I like how the me now looks and talks and stuff but I'd really love it if I could still be with Terry, could still hang out with Tracy any given moment, kick back with Stacey any time and maybe even play video games with Brett.
But that's never going to happen...is it?
XOXO
Jacks
My daily routine goes something like this:
Wake up.
Take shower.
Get dressed/fix hair/eat breakfast/whatever.
Go to class.
Take nap in between if possible or do homework.
Eat lunch.
Nap.
Work out or watch movie or other senseless activities like Facebook or comixed.com
Eat dinner.
Serious about homework, now (while also doing senseless things again).
Go to work
OR
Go to sleep.
THE END.
Nothing too exciting. Nothing that I really have to think extra hard about or feel extra hard about. I go through the motions of this daily routine because that's what it is: a routine. Sometimes, something will change. I'll say 'screw it' to working out or to watching a movie and write for once but I don't get too far with that, no no. Sometimes I don't nap either but lately, I feel like that's all I do. I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep til April is over and school is ending.
(but i would really like to sleep til after finals)
I don't even feel like a college kid. I feel like one of those super-dependent kids who can't stay away from home too long without inwardly crying. I don't know what it is. I used to loath going home. Used to put it off and not miss it once.
Nothing has really changed, per se. I mean, me and ex-boyfriend Terry are on good terms now but that's about it. I don't feel close with anyone. Don't feel passionate about anything. Even my boy curse is hardly something to hate or feel anything about. Its like I'm telling the whole world to fuck off, I don't care.
Because no one cares about me.
Okay, I'm sure someone does but honestly, there aren't too many people making an effort to see how I really am. Or to get out from underneath their own lives to have fun and experience things like I want to do. And if they do, they don't invite me to come along.
I guess I'm not really putting myself out there but I kind of feel numb about it anyway. Lazy. Like I don't want to make the effort. Maybe I'm afraid of what could happen. Or maybe, my heart's just too damn empty, I don't know how to fill it back up.
I wish everything could go back to how things were. I mean, I like how the me now looks and talks and stuff but I'd really love it if I could still be with Terry, could still hang out with Tracy any given moment, kick back with Stacey any time and maybe even play video games with Brett.
But that's never going to happen...is it?
XOXO
Jacks
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Feeling Pathetic is a Sign of Growing Up
I have this problem.
It seems as though no matter where I go or when I'm there, I'll always find some attractive male. No matter what.
"This is a bad thing?" you ask, as if I'm speaking blasphemy.
Why, yes, dear readers. It is.
Its a curse, really. Maybe the guy really isn't that cute at all but somehow, I find something. Something to fantasize about, to analyse and wonder about. There's always just "something about him". You know?
And then, as the first emotions swell in my heart, I realize that no matter what, and I mean without fail, I'll never see this guy again, never talk to him, never even find out his name.
There have been many times where I did find out his name, usually in a school or work setting but as of late, I've come to realize one thing, that I've always either discovered that they were:
1) Gay
2) Taken
3) Creepy
4) Dickwad-y
5) Really not my type
6) Above my type. As in, there's no way in heck this guy will even stand to touch me
Now, I'm not saying I'm an unworthy person. I think I'm pretty, funny, sweet, smart...all sorts of things. But sometimes, people were born to be with someone just like them or someone just a tad lamer. No one really gets someone who's better, per se, cuz really, no one's better. Everyone has faults.
What I'm trying to say is that more often than not, I'll be infatuated with some guy. I'll semi-stalk him if its in a school setting. Find out what he likes through Facebook or Myspace. And then, I'll feel my heart constrict whenever I see him. But sooner or later, I'll realize there's no way he'll ever make a move and there's no way in heck I'll make a move and really, its just pointless.
All the guys I've dated, I've dated because they had an interest in me. Didn't matter if I found them attractive or not. It just mattered that they liked me for me or for my body or maybe just for what I had to say, whatever. It didn't matter. It was very unfair to all of them and some of them, I did form a good relationship with.
But it wasn't what it could've been. it wasn't real, honest liking. It was just pretend so that I could feel better.
So for once, for ONCE, I just beg that I can please be in a relationship with someone I'm actually infatuated with. And preferably soon.
XOXO
Jacks
It seems as though no matter where I go or when I'm there, I'll always find some attractive male. No matter what.
"This is a bad thing?" you ask, as if I'm speaking blasphemy.
Why, yes, dear readers. It is.
Its a curse, really. Maybe the guy really isn't that cute at all but somehow, I find something. Something to fantasize about, to analyse and wonder about. There's always just "something about him". You know?
And then, as the first emotions swell in my heart, I realize that no matter what, and I mean without fail, I'll never see this guy again, never talk to him, never even find out his name.
There have been many times where I did find out his name, usually in a school or work setting but as of late, I've come to realize one thing, that I've always either discovered that they were:
1) Gay
2) Taken
3) Creepy
4) Dickwad-y
5) Really not my type
6) Above my type. As in, there's no way in heck this guy will even stand to touch me
Now, I'm not saying I'm an unworthy person. I think I'm pretty, funny, sweet, smart...all sorts of things. But sometimes, people were born to be with someone just like them or someone just a tad lamer. No one really gets someone who's better, per se, cuz really, no one's better. Everyone has faults.
What I'm trying to say is that more often than not, I'll be infatuated with some guy. I'll semi-stalk him if its in a school setting. Find out what he likes through Facebook or Myspace. And then, I'll feel my heart constrict whenever I see him. But sooner or later, I'll realize there's no way he'll ever make a move and there's no way in heck I'll make a move and really, its just pointless.
All the guys I've dated, I've dated because they had an interest in me. Didn't matter if I found them attractive or not. It just mattered that they liked me for me or for my body or maybe just for what I had to say, whatever. It didn't matter. It was very unfair to all of them and some of them, I did form a good relationship with.
But it wasn't what it could've been. it wasn't real, honest liking. It was just pretend so that I could feel better.
So for once, for ONCE, I just beg that I can please be in a relationship with someone I'm actually infatuated with. And preferably soon.
XOXO
Jacks
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