Life's Like an Hourglass, Glued to the Table

The title of this blog is a bit more obvious than the others but basically, almost every one of these blogs has been titled after a song lyric.

Super creative, I know.

Now, I wanted to discuss a problem I'm having at the moment. It's a bit like writer's block but not at the same time. I just have all of these ideas locked in my head, waiting to be set free but I can't even begin to start. I can feel it though. The words are whispers in my ears, the thrill tickles my fingers and my whole body hums with anticipation for the release. The inevitable release of characters, plot, detail. I want to write it all. I want to say so much in a span of just over 400 pages or so. I want to take you farther than you can ever imagine. Sob in agony. Laugh in jubilation.

For some time, I've known that's what I was meant to do. That the secret to my joy for the rest of my life could be summed up in just two images:



and



Seriously. Nothing grants more pleasure than the sight of either of those two things for me.

In fact, I actually started to cry after watching this week's Criminal Minds at my other job because of this quote:

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. -Joseph Campbell

This also happens to be the man who also famously said, "Follow your bliss." Both of these wrench my heart like nothing I've heard in a while and I cannot begin to explain why besides the obvious: I've been neglecting everything I love to do. Well, sort of anyway. Been watching a lot of movies so...there's that.

And no matter how much joy I have upon seeing those above images, my head is loaded with so many thoughts, it looks like a busy city street. I can't focus in class, at work, at home. Someone may have to cart me off to the loony bin if this keeps persisting.

I'm hoping Thanksgiving will help. I've had loads of time on my hands, really, so that's not really it. Not sure what is actually preventing me from writing out exactly what I'm thinking. Especially when I've got all these jumbled emotions, making it hard for me to take a full breath. Usually, writing is the only solution. Lately, the solution (though not a very good one, admittedly) is:



Yep. Another new obsession. No surprises there.

I just hope that eventually, I can put a lid to all the distractions and write them out instead. Clearly, I'm not in touch with how I'm feeling. At all. I've got the same emotional scope as, say, a deer. One moment I'm dawdling about the forest and then - boom, there's a car's headlights and expectant looks.

Funny, I just had a talk about expectations and that I'm the girl you should never expect anything from.

Hmm.

And now I've completely strayed away from the original thought I was having so...

XOXO
Jacks