I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked...Sometimes

I happen to have a high regard for sex. In fact, ever since I was a kid, I knew how important it was because, not only of how I was brought up, but some things that have happened to others in lieu of sexual acts and that they really do alter a lot. Sometimes. Maybe, because of this and all of the importance I thrust upon the mere thought of it, I haven't changed my ways since being just a child and therefore have no inkling in engaging in it unless I'm in love.

Which is...unsettling.

(as a side note, sorry for the lengthy sentences and big words here and there. Just watched Atonement and now I'm on to To the Ends of the Earth - both British-made films/mini-series)

Not only is my fascination with the act naive but its not like I've got no sexual drive whatsoever. But, that's the thing. I thought I did. I mean, I'm attracted to all sorts of men. I've been obsessed with men basically since I was 4 and got fake-married to this boy who lived in my apartment complex named J.C. in the laundromat. Everything about them is attractive: their appearance, the way they move, the way they speak, the way they think and live and...

I could go on for days.

Even so, it wasn't until recently, I really sat down (more like lounged. I was on a coach after all. Or my bed. Both?) that I realized how not-so-sexual I am. I make sex jokes. I want to have sex. In past entries, it was clear that I was crazed about it. But then something changed and all of a sudden, after reading ahem some very "adult" fan fiction, I realized that there hasn't been a single "real" person that I can imagine spending an entire day in bed with devoted to having sex, talking and messing around. Possibly sleeping thrown in (what does one do when they spend entire days in bed together, anyway?)

And by "real" I mean guys I actually know, guys I've met, guys I've even dated or had crushed on. No, none of them. Maybe actors. Exclusively now its Benedict Cumberbatch. At first, it was the whole Sherlock Holmes thing. Utterly sexy. Then it evolved to something I can't even...

Let's change the subject.

I was going to post a Jacks timeline of Actors-I've-Been-Obsessed-With-Over-the-Years but I want to make it pretty and maybe even funny so it might take a while.

Either way, how sad is it that I've only dreamed of having sex with maybe 5 guys, all of which have been actors? Men I've never met before in my life.

Sure, there was Sex Guy from my Culture class second semester of freshman year but...that's about it. Plus, I don't think I can spend a day in bed with Sex Guy - unless he didn't talk. Then I could.

(poor Sex Guy)

Anyway, its nothing to be sad over or mull about because I know eventually I'll fall in love. It was just sort of a shock to realize how much sex affects my life.

Heck, it may be the answer to why I'm so crazy.

XOXO
Jacks